Monday, October 18, 2010

Pumpkin cheesecake, personal days and meltdowns

So, as you can tell if you read my previous blog, my life has been wearing on me lately. Every day, I feel a little more worn down. Not in a bad way, just in an exhausted way. I love my life, love my boyfriend, my family, my job, our home...everything! I am just starting to feel overwhelmed with certain things, trying to sort through my life, pick out the things that need to go and work on the things that need to stay.

Every day I feel disappointed that the things I wanted to get done haven't been accomplished. On days where I need to relax, I feel guilty that things aren't being taken care of. This is where I was yesterday. Let me paint a picture for you....

It's Sunday, we wake up to a great surprise - Chris and Taylor called us from Germany! We were all excited, snuggled in bed, speakerphone on, chatting it up with our dear friends for the first time since they landed in Germany.

We had a big plan for the day: fried fish at the Mullet Festival, biking at Seaside, cleaning our third bedroom that has turned into a monstrosity of mess. The day started off stressful. Josh and I always have a good time together, but because of my bad attitude, I kept turning what should have been a really relaxing day, into a stressful, anxiety-filled day.

We did get to the Mullet Festival, enjoyed roasted corn, fried mullet (which I was not a fan of), bloomin onion and gator on a stick. Once we had our fill of calories and dust, which all lasted about an hour only, we were outta there.

After that, I got a horrible headache, complained about everything that I felt needed to get done and wasn't getting done. We did have some highlights of the day, but by the time we got home, even though I had a long list of things to accomplish, all I wanted to do was bake a pumpkin cheesecake. I needed some baking therapy. And it helped! Here's the outcome. It's delicious, by the way! And low-cal! Click here to see the recipe.

So, obviously, the baking of the cheesecake put me even more behind on my to-do list (or to get accomplished list, thanks Roz!) and I felt even more stressed, but I needed time to do something I wanted to do, instead of something I needed to do.

My headache persisted, and I fell asleep the instant I lay down at midnight. The alarm sounded at 6:45 on the dot this morning, and a drum was pounding in my head. My headache from yesterday decided to stay until today and it wasn't letting up. I dragged myself out of bed, trying to be strong, got in the shower, and had to get out quickly because my head was just pounding. I got out and just began crying. The pain, the stress, the lack of sleep, it was just too much. I called into work, crawled back into bed and slept for three more hours.

I'm trying to take it easy, allow myself to rest, to re-coup after the strain last week took. I'm trying to organize my home, my thoughts, my life. I know I'm not going to have all the answers by the end of the day, the week, or the month. I'm just going to take one day at a time. But in the meantime, I will eat my pumpkin cheesecake.


Rosalyn said...

All of your hard work will pay off. "The more you do, the more you are capable of." In the meantime enjoy that R&R time- you deserve it!


P.S.- Save me a piece of that cheesecake!

Olimb Photography said...

So your pumpkin cheesecake...was it super yummy or just okay? Cause I didnt really like mine that much :0(

Gili said...

Did you use bethenny frankels recipe? I really liked it!