Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Happiness is a choice

Sometimes I let doubt cloud my sense of happiness and the things I value in my heart. I let uncertainty of the future ruin the trust I have in the decisions I make for myself.
Last night was such a refreshing epiphany for me in a situation i've been battling with a lot lately. I realized what truely makes me happy never stopped, I just stopped letting myself be positively affected by it. I have to just constantly remind myself to not doubt. Faith is such a strong entity of happiness.
I have been blessed with a wonderful person in my life, he's been my friend, my lover...always quick to lend a listening ear and look for ways to comfort me. I feel as though i've underestimated that desire in him recently because of self doubt i've had about me moving, and our future from here on out.
I'm confident in my choice to move away, but just as confident in my choice to spend these next months with this person who does make me so happy. And I trust us both to create a positive outcome from this situation we chose to be in.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

You're my good night kiss...

You're my goodnight kiss and my morning smile.
You're my saving grace and a hand to hold.
You're my calm in the storm with a tender heart.
You're my cuddle buddy with a listening ear.
You're my sweet reminder that I haven't failed,
You're my second chance at a brighter today.
You're my big, strong prince; a loyal protector.
You're a reason to thank God for His precious gifts,
You're a constant encourager and a strong support.
You're a tingle that travels from my head to my toes,
You're a body I crave and a touch I can't resist.
You're the eyes I love to look into and the lips I long to kiss.
You're the arms that wrap around me that tell me I am safe.
You're the one I love to laugh with, even at my expense.
You're the one I hope to spend my tomorrow with.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

new Plan of actions

Ok, so I know I've changed my mind a million times, but I'm allowed to! Its ok...so here's the new plan for school...I'm finishing my AA this semester at FCCJ, still applying to UNF as a back up plan, totally ditched the UF idea...but I'm going to pick 4 additional random schools around Florida to apply to, all over the state. I want to get out of Jacksonville for a while and I think this is the best time to do it. So hopefully, come January, I'll be moving...somewhere, anywhere!
As of now, the only other one i've looked at, but it is enticing, is University of West Florida in Pensacola. I know people who live there so I wouldn't be completely alone. Plus, ironically, after I looked at the website, I found out they're voted top 100 for Public Relations...how perfect! I just want to live somewhere away from here, somewhere beautiful, somewhere Different! I need a change. so....Please pray with me about this decision. It's kinda last minute considering this is in 5 months, i have to apply for these schools, visit them if necessary, get the money (applying for loans - its the only way moving away is gonna happen), get accepted, and decide! And, if anyone has any suggestions of schools to look into, please let me know! I'm not even really looking for big schools that everyone else we know is at, like UF, FSU, USF, etc....I'm kinda interested in smaller not big name schools around.
Good luck with school this semester to everyone who is starting/started!

Monday, August 13, 2007

New friend

So, this new person is in my life. He's wonderful, sweet, charming, good looking, caring, attentive, funny, responsible...everything I could ask for in a guy. We've been having so much fun, being silly, talking, doing a lot of fun things together without any expectations. It's a really good thing.
The no expectations part has taught me that I can be with someone and not have to expect them to be my everything. I can be with them and not fulfill thier every need. We can be together just because we enjoy eachother's company, not because we NEED eachother.
There is a high chance that this person may move away, which would ultimatly be the ending point of our summer fling (I never thought i'd have one of those!). He has a potential opportunity to move back home to be with his family and start a new beginning.
I'm writing this now, at this point of uncertainty, so i can say beforehand, before any decisions are officially made by him or any offers are made, i want to say that I support his decision no matter what. I want him to stay if thats whats best for him, but I most definatly want him to go if that is the better road he must follow. I don't want to be sad in the end, only hopeful of a friendship to continue from this attraction we've found. If we enjoy eachother, and this ends without any personal grudges, why not try for a friend out of the situation?
And...if he stays, I hope I have the strength to continue on this path of lighthearted attraction, growth, and trust.

Monday, August 6, 2007

A breath of fresh air

This life is nothing less than extraordinary, let me tell you! Every day is something new, even when my days melt together from the summer heat and I grow bored from the mundane schedule of just work, and nothing more. I'm getting pretty antsy waiting on school to start back up again. It's been four months since I've used my brain I feel like! Having classes and homework and studying again will definatly help me get back into the swing of things.
This summer has been a great turning point for me. So much has changed over the last four months, some things i'm not sure if I can actually pinpoint, while other's are quite apparant.
The lifestyle I was living before allowed a lot of uncertainty and heartache in and those are things I truly don't desire to have apart of my life. I know there are still things I need to work on and accomplish before acheiving the fullest quality of life, but it's a process and I'm content with where I am at this point along the path.
There has been a shift in the people I've been hanging out with, the activities I've been including myself in, and the outlook on life that I have aquired/am aquiring. People will always come and go and I do look at every relationship, whether lengthy or not, an opportunity for growth, whether that person specifically teaches you something or you just learn from observing them.
I hope, myself, to be one that can reflect my life on others, where they can learn from me. I want to, in turn, be able to help others through what I've gained from them.
I don't want to use the cliche quote "everything happens for a reason" here because I believe that everyone creates thier own destiny. Yes, there is a higher authority, God has a plan, but you decide what you are going to do with those tools, those relationships.
So this blog is an inspiration for myself, to continue creating my own destiny, figuring out daily what I want to put into creating me! Yes, I'm only 19 and just wanna have fun and live life day to day, make mistakes and learn from them, and flow with the wind; but I also want all of those experiences to create a better me.
So, here's to creating our own destiny's.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Another baby on the way...

I have a friend. Her name is Danielle. She's 18 years old. She lives in Philly and we visit eachother, once or twice a year, whenver we can. We've been best friends since we were 9 months old, when I moved here from Israel. Our parents actually knew eachother when our moms were pregnant with us.

Danielle called me tonight and left a voicemail on my phone and informed me she's 3 months pregnant. That means in six months she'll be a mommy. The wierd thing is it wasn't a shocker. She had said she had news, so it was either that or she's engaged, and for some reason, her being pregnant was more expected. She has been dating this guy Mark for about two years and they've talked about marriage.

The thing is that she's the fifth or sixth close friend I've had over the last 5 years that I've grown up with that has had a baby. But Danielle's not just a friend, she's not some girl, she's family, my sister. Just like Katy is, but when Katy got pregnant, she was the first one of my friends for that to happen to; it was my first time every having that kind of experience. I was fifteen and it was huge at the time. Now, having another friend get pregnant seems like no big deal, but what bothers me the most, what breaks my heart, is that Danielle lives 7 states away from me. We're lucky if we see eachother once a year, and now she's going to be giving birth in 6 months to this child. I'm not gonna know this kid. I'm going to China this summer for the month of July, I'll be back in the beginning of August, and then at the end of the month I'll be moving to Gainesville. I won't have the time or money to go to Philly. I won't see this kid, they won't know me. I'm not gonna be Aunt Gili.

It just breaks my heart that I can't be there for her. I want to be there. I want to be her support. I want to watch her belly grow. I didn't realize what a blessing it was that Katy was right across the street while she was going through this. I did'nt realize how much it meant to me for me to be able to be there for her through that time in her life. I can't do that with Danielle.

Please just keep Danielle in your prayers. That her family and friends who are close to her will be supportive. Pray for her safety and the baby's safety. Pray for a fullfilling and healty realationship between her and her boyfriend. Pray that she will be a wonderful mother. Pray for her to make wise choices along this path.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Leave it up to Carly to say it right

I found this song by Carly Simon "It Should Have Been Me". All of the words don't apply, considering I don't think it should have been me. Yet, some of them truly do. I'm putting up the ones that struck a chord in me. Words that have been tumbling around in my head and heart recently.

I think of you now and then
But I remember when love was new
And you were mine, my love
So why would we pretend
We were lovers and now we're friends
I don't want to say goodbye to you
Again, my love

What we once had is gone
No tears, no right, no wrong
It could never be the same again, my love
The more we see the less we know

My love, how would I survive
With another broken heart
On my own again
When I need a friend
To help me find a place to start

Surveying in the early AM

1. What Curse Word Do You Use The Most?
I drop the eff bomb occasionally (bad call, I hate when I do it)

2. Do You Own An Ipod?

sho do, but it stays in it's dock on my iSYmphony

3. What Person On Your Top 8 Do You Talk To The Most?

Katy Colton, Hector and Shir bir

4. What Time Is Your Alarm Clock Set To?

9:10....Ishould be waking up at 9 but its 3:30 and i'm just now getting home so you do the math

5. Do You Want To Fall In Love?

yeah but i'm not ready for that, i was at one point, but I want to know i'm ready next time, too much learning to do in the meantime....i'm young, got time

6. Do You Wear Flip-Flops When It's Cold?

flip flops = Gili's feet...its just the way it goes. c'mon i wore a tube top out tonight in the 30 degree whether....you live in florida you deal

7. Would You Rather Take The Picture Or Be In The Picture?

as conceited as this sounds, i'm always in the picture, even if i'm taking it....i wanna keep the memories!

8. What Was The Last Movie You Watched?
The Scent of a Woman, omg...Al Pacino is the MAN!!!!!

9. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?

let me count for you...like 5+ (craziness!)

10. Has Anyone Ever Called You Lazy?
oh yeah, its becoming more apparent every day

11. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep?
i'll pop a tylenol PM every now and then....very rare though

12. What Cd Is Currently In Your Cd Player?


13. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?

oreo's and milk=love. ( gotta go with the lil sister on this one, must be in the blood)

14. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week?

i have lots of good friends, secrets come and go

15. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks?

today, gotta love drug reps bringing us shit at work all the time

16. Can You Whistle?
sho can, only the regular kind though, nothing fancy

18. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?

people talk about me behind my back so much they tell me about it, and thats not necessarily a good thing

19. Did You Watch Cartoons As A Child?

never ever. (again, agreeing with the kin, we grew up in the same house)

20. What movie do you know every line to?
rush hour, wedding crashers, rent, wild wild west, prince of egypt, aladdin, beauty and the beast, any disney movie actually. um dirty dancing, coach carter, basically any movie that was ever on during a plane ride over and over again. miss congeniality. HAHA I kept Shiri's whole list...here's a few more: The Notebook (shiri knows all of that one too, she just forgot), Save the Last Dance, The Devil Wears Prada, My Best Friends Wedding, Grease, ........

21. Have You Ever Done The Dirty In A Field?

sand dunes?

23. Do You Own Any Band T-Shirts?

can't say that I do...

24. What Is Your Favorite Salad Dressing?

Ranch all the way baby

25. Is Anyone In Love With You?

I can asure you - no!

26. Do You Do Your Own Dishes?

I try to make mom happy

27. Ever Cry In Public?

If I do, thats me, deal with it. not afraid to, thats for sure, but I try not to make a habit of it.

28. Are You On A Desktop Computer Or A Lap Top?


29. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoos?

tattoo please!

30. What's The Weather Like?
c-c-c-c-olllddddd, but I don't need a jacket!

31. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos?

I just dont know if I could do it.....

32. What Did You Do Before This?
Pearl baby!!

33. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor?

dang...can'teven remember

34. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function?

less than I thought

35. Do You Eat Breakfast Daily?

lately I"ve been eating those special K bars

36. Are Your Days Full And Fast Paced?

usually always fast pased - something always comes up

37. Do You Pay Attention To The Calories In The Package/Box?
heck naw, I'll look sometimes but its no biggie

38. Do You Use Sarcasm?

me??? NEvER! HA!!

40. Are You Picky About Spelling And Grammar?

i"m an english nerd allllll the way!

41. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?


43. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite?

Opposite mostly...I have like 2 girl friends...just the way it is

44. Do You Like Mustard?

yep, spicy, not yellow

45. Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach Or Back?

side, always

46. Do You Watch The News?

really only the Today show

47. How Did You Get One Of Your Scars?

on the palm of my hand pulling down a suticase on wooden stairs Christmas in philly like a zillion years ago

48. Who Was The Last Person To Make You Mad?
Probably German, hehehe j/k honey, love ya!

49. Do You Like Anybody?

can't say I got much of that going on....

50. What Is The Last Thing You Purchased?

dinner = tacp bell

Thursday, January 25, 2007

The Scent of a Woman

Chris O'Donnell plays Charlie Simms, a seventeen-year-old boy attending Baerd Prep School for Boys. He is a kind young man with a good soul. For Thanksgiving break he takes a job watching over retired U.S. officer Leitunant Colonel Frank Slade, played by Al Pacino. The Colonel, now blind, is a tough man with a rough exterior (not to mention, a bit of a drunk), but Charlie learns over time that he is kind hearted and has good intentions. He surprises Charlie by telling him they are going on a trip to New York City.

The trip turns out to be an adventure where Charlie will meet Frank's family and find out the true reason he is blind. The whole time in New York they eat at fancy restaurants with $24 hamburgers and stay at the Waldorf. Frank later reveals to Charlie that he is in New York to eat at an expensive restaurant, stay at an amazing hotel, sleep with a beautiful woman, and then commit suicide.

Meanwhile, Charlie is having a dilema at school where him and a fellow student witnessed an act of vandalism on campus and he is being held responsible until he tells what he saw and who did it. The headmaster told him he would take away his chance to go to Harvard if he doesn't fess up.

Charlie is struggling with the problem at school during the weekend in New York. He shares the story with Colonel Slade and Slade gives him advice. They exchange thier views on the matter. Where Charlie stands, he isn't going to rat out anyone and doesn't want to use connections to get into Harvard and risk his honor and character in the meantime.

In a crucial scene of the movie, Charlie has to fight with Slade in order to keep him from commiting suicide. He succeeds in the end and thier friendship and confidence in eachother only grows. By the end of the trip, a true bond has flourished.

Monday, January 22, 2007


Please tell me why I'm wearing this ring on my finger (my right finger that is, don't worry!). This ring was given to me by someone who loved me, who I loved back, very much, with my whole heart, my everything. This ring is now on my finger, I wear it every day. But this ring was not on my finger for a long time. Ok, so I lost it for a while, but during that time, and before, I had deliberatly not worn it for a while. I didn't wear it because I was hurt, I wanted to forget. I didn't want to care.

When I first realized this ring was lost, I was surprised at how upset I was that I could not possess it. When I found it after it being lost, I was surprised at how thrilled I was that it was in my hands again.

Two reasons I love this ring. Two reasons this ring is dear to my heart.

The first is superficial: This ring is a tanzanite ring. I had wanted a tanzanite ring for quite a long time. My mom had said she'd get me one for my Sweet 16, yet that didn't happen. I saw beautiful tanzanite in Mexico and had dreamed of having one of my very own. So for Christmas of 2005, I received one. It was special. But like I said, I really just wanted the tanzanite!

The second reason this ring is dear to my heart, the reason I wear it today, the reason I don't take it off, is because it is more of a symbolism than anything else. This ring reminds me that I once had a great love. In A Bronx Tale (good movie, check it out) a wise man tells a young boy everyone has three great loves in his life. So far, I've only had one. This ring reminds me that I am capable of loving and being loved in return, for this is one of life's greatest treasures. It also reminds me of true friendship. A friendship that is very dear to me, almost non-existant at the moment, but one that I will cherish until the day I die.

Tanzanite is my sweet reminder of a past gone and a future bolder than I can dream at this moment.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

True friends

I'm sitting in my friend Hector's room, watching Tim and Hector play cards, Katy's sitting on the couch eating a pizza from the freezer downstairs, and I'm on the computer, working on a writing project for school. We're all watching The Legend of Bagger Vance. I just have this sense of happiness I have been feeling so often lately. This feeling brings a smile to my face every day. This feeling makes me laugh out loud. This feeling warms my heart. This feeling of knowing I have true friends. Friends who will stand by me no matter what. Friends that are there to help in times of need, with or without asking. Unconditional love and acceptance is always in our midst. We do homework together, have long talks, and laugh incessantly. We are a group, a tight-knit people who wait on eachother every day, hoping to see each other...looking forward to the next time we'll be together to experience something. It's the first time in my life I can honestly say I have a wonderful group of friends who love me as I love them. I'm not concerned about things coming between us. I'm so excited we will all be living in Gainesville together and being able to extend our experiences into the future together. Thanks guys, you are my heart:)